I would not have thought about this matter until this year when I reach the 20th year of my life, I have been asked by quite a few adults about having a boyfriend. I also saw my Mom sticking to that same question whenever she meets anyone who is around my age over Even if she would not oppose or say anything, high chance is that she would blame every single B I had and will have in college and all mistakes and failures just because I date. Growing up with traditional Asian family probably has haunted you on how strict your parents are. You probably have had enough of those lectures and heavy criticism on how to not date someone and your only job is to study. First, your partner needs to be the opposite sex. So marrying someone whose birth year does match mine means we are going to live happily forever after like fairy tale?
Now, almost all of that information is readily available. Having an inner score card is more enduring, sustainable, and healthy because life is uncontrollable. It will deal you tough, unfair blows. Money, relationships, and success may come and go at the worst time. Unfortunately, many Asian parents care too much about what their friends think of their child.
They have an outer score card. Some will do whatever it takes to get their child to succeed so they can show off to their friends at the cost of building resentment in the child or burn out from stress. They want to show off how accomplished their child is. Carol Dweck wrote a fantastic book on her years of research on fixed versus growth mindset children.
It was so good that even Bill Gates recommended and reviewed the book on social media. The main idea is that children and adults with a growth mindset are the ones who succeed in life. But the beauty is that anyone can change their mindset from fixed to growth once they learn how.
Sadly, most Asian parents and their children have rigid perspectives of what is success, an indication of a fixed mindset. Surprisingly, there is little to no correlation between IQ and success. In fact, some of the highest IQ individuals end up in low-class jobs, like as a janitor.
This could be improving your work ethic, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, grit, focus, willpowerand so on. This means everything from making sure his or her spouse checks all the metrics they care about good job, listens to directions, etc.
Asian parents run away from these entertainment-based jobs and love to cite the stats of how few of these people make it big and how unreliable that career pathway is. This is a common theme for Indians, Asians, and even Middle Eastern parents. So why do they still cling to these job titles?
I think it's pretty funny that Mom often asked those young adults in front of their parents as if she would be totally fine knowing if I'm dating someone. Even if she would not oppose or say anything, high chance is that she would blame every single B I had and will have . "When no other parents are doing the same exact thing as you - such as not allowing your children to go online even with parental supervision - you may be too strict." You forbid anything. Dec 27, Why are they so strict compared to any other race. Is it just where I live or what? And if you aren't asian and are strict about grades and dating and what not can you please explain. I respect there choice but I would just like to know their motives behind it.
They worship these jobs because they believe even if that belief is flawed that these jobs are the best for maintaining your income and not losing it for the longest time. But as I mentioned, there is no longer real job security - just your hustle to become irreplaceable and increasingly more valuable. Ken Jeong refused to conform to the comments of his coworkers and others when they told him it was too risky to do stand-up comedy on the side even though he was already a full-time doctor.
He ignored them and years later, he transitioned his success as a comedian into a role as a profitable full-time actor. Now, he has his own TV show called Dr. They embrace failure and learn from their mistakes. Not at all. There is a spectrum of different levels of risk-taking and blindly taking all high-level risks is one of the most stupidest things you can do.
Charlie Munger explained this well in the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting. Charlie explained how ridiculous it would be if we chose not to invent airplanes or start the airline business because we feared that someone may die. Statistically, you have a much higher chance of death driving a car than riding an airplane. Not all risks are worth pursuing. What successful people often look for are disproportionate opportunities where the risk is low but the reward is huge if it succeeds.
The billionaire, Richard Branson, may seem like a crazy risk-taker on the surface based on his personality and news-worthy adventures. For example, when he tested out if the airline business was worth getting into, he struck a deal with Boeing to be able to return all his planes for free if his business failed, thereby eliminating a majority of the investment cost. Robert Greene wrote in his book Mastery that we tend to glorify or demonize our parents as naive children growing up.
But as we grow to adulthood, we realize that they had good parts and bad parts. Nor are they horrible, abusive demons. Asian parents are great at instilling strong work ethic, encouraging a high performance in school, and making sure their child achieves a middle-class first world income with a stable job - something other cultures struggle with.
These are just generalizations to keep in mind to prepare for your own success. How have your parents benefitted and hurt you? Let me know in the comments. Yes, I want access to the Mindset Summary and Checklist. This was a great read and many of these are very relatable.
In terms of working hard, it can certainly be worse for a girl. There is also another common mistake Indian parents make, they compare their children to other children. Thanks for your input. Damn thank you so much for writing this it makes me feel good to know im not alone. Hi this helped but also made me cry when I saw the comments. I relate to this mostly. I am realizing this mindset is really nothing to be proud of.
I mean I get it. They are trying their best to protect me and guide me in a new country.
I totally get it. I get what their mindset is and they always mention that they will always be here for me.
I am obedient and do everything they say. If one is not willing, their outcome is not as beautiful. I feel stupid everyday. People see me as one of the most positive girls they know. I cry almost everyday. Over math problems mostly Sometimes I burst out in tears for what seems like no reason.
What if I am but under unnecessary pressure. I am strong and hide so many feelings. She was all happy and finally went to attend something fun. She is social!
They accused me of being too American and that I have to stay focused on studying. My childhood is slipping away and I feel maybe I am not living life to the fullest. It does help. I wish my dad spoke English and my mom was more understanding and I could feel more confident.
I wish I was popular in my school and got more social opportunities. I was face timing one of my white friends today and we did work together and my mom kept yelling at me during the FT saying I should hang up. That is so disrespectful to me and my friend. How can I be social with that kind of burden.
I am athletic.
I did field hockey for my team only for one season and I already became offense within one month of experience. I am creative. I sing good. I am nice. I could be a potential celebrity even. I get everything she tries to do for me she works hard. I never expect anything anymore. But I would rather not be on this Earth in my life as an Asian. Thank you for your facts and I am looking forward to feedback :. Tbh, Asian parents nag a lot and force their child to become a doctor or lawyer or engineer.
Because back in their day, there were no such things as Google, Facebook, mail, etc. Not even Wifi. So they had to rely on books only. And the only way to be rich and famous is to become a doctor or lawyer or engineer. And I am not proud being an Asian at all. I really wanted to be an American! Anyway, thanks for good article! Have a good day! Thanks for the positivity. They do teach us some good things. But good point. But, they are SOOO overbearing. I barely have anything in common with them.
If I forget to retake a test I have failed, or forgot about an assignment that was past the deadline, my mom takes something away from me that I like to do.
I want to be a professional Manga comic creator. I just love the way artists draw manga and comics.
I had strict parents so I don't know what a nurturing family would be like, but I'll tell you what having strict parents did for me: With strict (and Asian) parents, the expectations are way too high. Hi dear, My name Why Are Parents So Strict About Dating is Anushka, a 22 years old bachelorette in Mumbai. I am extremely hot and a co-operative girl with a cute smiling face. I am extremely hot and a co-operative girl with a cute smiling face/ Jun 25, It's a combination of strict parenting without the kind of a context of 'Let me help you understand the reason for my rules' and 'Let me help you understand how and why you should be.
I mean, they would. I am so embarrassed because I have no electronics. I HATE the feeling when someone asks if you have a phone and u say no. I used to have so many friends who had no phones too. I would be VERY ashamed to show up on the first without a phone. I remember when I had several missing assignments in half my classes towards the end of the school year.
My mom is an asian american. I wish he could have at least told us nicer and more polite rather than just cutting us off. They sometimes tell me and my sister that they used to hate their parents as well. But like many asian parents, they are always set on the things they want to do or say. Dude I feel your pain. Manga is disgusting, but otherwise I agree with you. My parents are super paranoid. Thank you so much for posting these facts. Talking about Asian parents, there are lots of things of talk about pros and cons, positives and negatives, etc.
I am not sure whether or not Asian parents aware or acknowledge that us Asian children honor to have these parents because they have sacrificed their entire life for us children regardless they are living in the country or immigrants. Us Asians are one of the successful people in the world. I am proud to be Asian. You are now doctors, pharmacist, etc. On the other hand for the Asian children, we were struggling with mental issue. For instance, myself, I am 30 now.
I wanted to be a fashion designer after graduating from high school. My parents, both, are tailors. Naturally, I was walking on the right path. Unfortunately, NO! My parents forces me to study pre-pharmacy when no one in our families have had a degree in medical field.
I was just 18 but I thought a lot about them because I was thinking my parents have sacrifice for me to have a better life by having a good education and profession. I agreed with them and studied pre-pharmacy for 4.
Did I succeed? Sadly, no. I got so sick with a migraine from studying these courses, so I had to stop. I understand they love me a lot.
Dec 06, Here are things only girls with super strict parents understand. 1. Anytime you go shopping with your friends, you have to hide any new clothes your mom wouldn't approve accessory-source.comtion: Entertainment Editor.
They think their choices are the best and the best for them. I am 30 now, but I am still struggling with them because all these years in the USA I have been there eyes, ears, mouth, and legs. Meaning they are non English speakers. Everything is on me. Even the easiest thing which they can manage they wanted me to drop everything and do it for them. I went to see a psychologist, and they told me I AM the one need to untied the knot that has been tangled all these years.
Dec 06, Damn thank you so much for writing this it makes me feel good to know im not alone. and my parents are one really paranoid and overprotective which i am bothered about im almost 16 and i cant bike to the end of the street to play basketball with my friends. also i get like no breaks this is probably the thing i hate the most. my parents think. Apr 14, Call my view radical but I am going to say this out loud. Your parents haven't lived your lives. For the longest time your parents were your guiding light helping you with your decisions. This is the reason they fail to recognize when their advice. This dating is not our culture at all. Society doesn't accept it so as parents. It is like everyone wants it, most of does it but no body disclose it. Dating is taboo in our society. So defiantly our parents will oppose it. But again my question t.
I wrote a letter to parents and moved out. Anyway I will stop here because it makes me sad for keep going. I wish Asian parents can be more open-minded whether they are immigrants or living in the country. Thanks for writing in. Mental health issues should be punished, not treated.
Asian kids turn out just fine.
Why are parents so strict about dating
They don't live in apartments or trailers like honky white folk who've never been disciplined enough to be beat into having everything their parents wanted them to have.
I turned out just fine, and the reason why I hate white ppl is because they'll never be anything. They try to be their childs "friend" all the time like eeeh, whatever it is what it is.
Well guess what? It ain't what it ain't and I am getting tired. I am old. Some parents want them to focus on being sucessful to have a better life. My mom isn't asian and she is somewhat strict when it comes to grades and dating. She says boys will come later in life, and Iv'e heard something similar from some asian families. Sorry, i became bear in mind on the instant whilst i became working.
Latina Researcher: Is Strict, Controlling Parenting Hurting Our Kids?
He became black nonetheless. Not all Asian parents are so strict;but almost all the parents are strict when it comes to the future of their sons and daugthers. It's in their culture. They must see ot it that they didn't missed something in educating their children not to mention the respect to olders so that they become a great person someday.
I couldn't really tell you their motives, but they seem to get good results. Most of the Asians I've known have been very good students, hard workers and decent people.
If that's a stereotype, there are definitely worse stereotypes than that. Schooling is the utmost priority. They know that kids can be lazy and they don't want their kids to slack when they can nurture their talents when they are young.
It's their culture and how they are taught to respect their elders. I think it's kind of tough, but most of these kids turn out to be very successful. Most Asian kids mature well and become good citizens and well mannered